Life Trade-offs: The Bipolar Edition

So, these past couple weeks a bipolar wench been out in these streets and e-streets. First it was two conferences (Down Syndrome Family Network and the Inherited and Severe Blood Disorders Conference), a prayer breakfast, meetings in between and a sick husband. And then my feature on Express Woman came out. Much thanks to the lovely Laura Pierre-Escayg and A Very Special Disabilities Forum. I got much more love and e-love than I ever expected or dreamed of. Phone calls, FB inboxes, WhatsApps, you name it. Thank you so much.

BUT. The net result of alla dat was one very tired Nicole. Not the best thing for me. If I didn’t get enough good sleep soon, I would be in dangerous territory – as in on my way to an episode. I knew that this tiredness had gotten ridiculous when I told a friend of mine that I forgot to take a selfie with her at one of the conferences and she told me that I fell asleep. Quelle embarrassment!

So, I knew that there was going to be a public holiday on Thursday and so me and the huzzie made a promise to each other to sleep. I went to a Latin dance party the night before and danced the night away to ensure that I would definitely go to sleep easily, came home, unplugged devices and phones and slept for 12. HOURS. STRAIGHT. Then today, I had two engagements that took me till 2 p.m….came home and took another long nap. Or rather, my body took it from me.

It meant that I have a lot work undone. (I still have reviews to do of both conferences for you) as well as other work. However, when it comes to my health, one of the reasons I have been relatively mentally healthy for so long is that ability to SHUT. IT. DOWN. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care about the impact that it may have on others or that I don’t feel guilty. That is the bipolar trade off. During those tired periods, the filter between my mind and mouth is short so I usually just try to remain quiet, ignore crap if it irritates me or keep what I have to say short and sweet. If anyone was harmed during the making of this week, I apologize. I do genuinely try not to be nasty at these low moments when I am less than my best. But again that is the bipolar trade-off.

The bipolar trade-off means recognizing your limitations and making no apology to yourself or others about taking care of yourself first. It may mean disappointing some people or postponing some commitments. It may mean that some people don’t get to see you at your shiny, happy best. For a person as driven as myself, that can be a tough pill to swallow. However, I have to do this trade-off or the worst case scenario could happen – ending up back in psychiatric hospital. So I guess for this weekend, it is go slow till I am up to speed. Now lemme go see the latest viral vid…….

Author: writes4god

I am 36 year old Trini gal who is a researcher/disability activist/writer

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